The King

It is day 6 of NBA free agency, and already I am done with Lebron news (not really but I wish I was). After a recent visit to New York City, I quickly realized that Lebron buzz is just as big out there as it is in Cleveland. It's amazing how a single basketball player can motivate a city so much.

Lebron James recently joined Twitter. His username, if interested in checking it out, is KingJames. It's upsetting, not because he joined, but because his bio reads "King of Akron." Kind of makes me think he isn't a very humble person. He's probably the kind of person that doesn't deserve all the attention he has received over the past 7 or 8 years. But that's just a quick judgement. I don't personally know the guy so I might be wrong.

On a completely unrelated note, I created a new Twitter username that better represents the person I am. You can follow me, just search for KingDanielJames.

The Next Big Diet

I am a genius. During my life I will come up with a million different ways to make $1 million. This is one of those ideas.

Obviously, dieting books are an easy way to make big bucks. Overweight people are always looking for an easy solution to losing weight that requires the least amount of effort possible. Well folks, I have found the answer. It was not really hard to find, in fact, I have known about it for years. Why no one has written a book about this diet earlier is beyond me. Here is how my book will look:

Ok, so it will hopefully look better than that. I think you can understand the concept of the book, so instead of telling you what it is about, I will share the first few pages with you. It may just change your life.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Where to Begin

Chapter 2: Getting Rid of Temptations: the Fridge and Pantry

Chapter 3: Throwing Away All the Oreo's You Have Been Hiding from Your Husband/Wife

Chapter 4: Stop Feeding the Rest of the Family

Chapter 5: Stay Productive While Not Eating

Chapter 6: The Brick Wall, How to Fight Through Starvation

Chapter 7: Learn How to Avoid Eating Other People When the Urge is so Great

Chapter 8: Not Dying

Chapter One: Where to Begin

Congratulations! By purchasing this book, you are on your way to a newer, slimmer you. As with all diets, there is a great deal of sacrifice involved, and this one is no different. You will find however, that this diet actually works!

There is a simple concept to dieting: lower the amount of food intake, and with the help of a little exercise, you will be in much better shape.

Bologna! (Which, by the way, you should not eat). Who has time to exercise? Not me, that is for sure. With such amazing programming on television these days, physical activity is just out of the question. "But Dan," you may ask, "how am I supposed to make myself look as good as possible without exercise?"

You fool! Did you not read the title of the book? I'm just kidding, of course you don't know how to look better, nothing has worked for you up to this point. Well, I have the solution, and it is actually pretty simple.

Don't Eat.

You see, the problem with other dieting books is they all make you eat stuff. Food has calories, and calories are what stand in the way between you and your health. Any scientist can tell you that cutting food out of your life will make you lose weight. My simple, easy to follow diet will start you in the right direction to getting the body you always wanted.

The easiest way to follow my diet is to sew your mouth shut. Since this makes communicating with the outside world more difficult (although everyone basically communicates through text/e-mail these days anyway), it is not mandatory. All that you need is a strong will, and an image in your head as to how you want to look like at the end of this diet.

Once you are ready, move on to chapter two to begin your journey.

Brett: The American Dream

Hi guys.

I've been feeling the pressure to post lately. The amount of complaints on my lack of updates has been a bit overwhelming...

Looking towards the future of this blog, I want some sort of direction. Over the past year, it has been posts on just about anything I want. Newcomers to the blog will have no idea what Sauce is all about. To avoid any such confusion, my blog from now on will be about my perspective about current events. Basically I will pick a recent topic in the news I find interesting, funny, or pointless and let you guys know what I think of it.

Of course the only way to start this new approach is to talk about America's most important current event,

Brett Favre

What makes Brett Favre so important? Is it the fact that he is one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time? No. Is it because he can't make up his mind about whether or not to retire? It's really annoying but no. Is it because he is the spokesman for Wrangler jeans?

Yes.

I don't know if you've ever worn a pair of rugged Wranglers, but once you put them on you have the sudden urge to strap on some cowboy boots and lasso a pig. Brett Favre is not only good at football, but also understands that cowboys are awesome. Without Brett Favre supporting Wrangler jeans, you would probably be asking yourself, "Where have all the cowboys gone," since none would exist. So thank you, Brett.

Brett is also important because exemplifies everything a true American man should be. He is really good at football; has the rugged, outdoorsy look; has a really hot trophy wife; and can't make up his mind about anything. I mean seriously, just retire. We're all sick of seeing you feed your ego. You won't win a Superbowl. Get over it.

In essence, Brett Favre is America.