Spicy Blog Sauce is to...

To my dismay, I recently found out analogies were dropped from the verbal section of the SAT. Although I was not the biggest fan, they were the most recognized part of the test. In fact, without analogies, you can argue the SAT is a standardized piece of crap. According to College Board, the makers of the SAT, everyone's favorite part of the test was dropped because "they are less connected to the current high school curriculum." Unless students in the 80's and 90's were taught only in analogical format, I don't think they were ever connected to the curriculum. I'm going to go ahead and say one of the makers of the test had a kid that was about to take the test and wanted to make it as easy as possible. Life is one big conspiracy.

I tend to digress, so let's get to the point. This post is dedicated to those analogy questions that tested everyone's critical thinking skills through a fun and safe manner, even if some people wanted to drive their #2 pencil through their skulls. I made up some of my own analogy questions in memory of this section of the SAT. Make sure to put on your thinking caps, this may get tricky! You have 70 minutes to finish this test. Time will start......NOW!

1.) Sam's basketball skills : a 400 lb clumsy, stupid gymnast ::

a.) chickens : lobsters
b.) Dan's basketball skills : those graceful 12 year old Chinese gymnasts
c.) winter : September
d.) pens : pencils

2.) My sister : only eats chicken and french fries ::

a.) Jack Shephard : still stuck on a deserted island
b.) Dr. House : a vindictive bastard
c.) Dan : only wears ArtStreet shirts
d.) Grey's Anatomy : doctors with drama

3.) spider monkeys : are not spiders ::

a.) knickers : pants
b.) Jenny : a large rat (see picture below)
c.) T.I. : the swagger of a college kid
d.) Jack Russell terriers : are not Jack Russell

4.) peeing your pants : Miles Davis ::

a.) passing the first grade : Billy Madison
b.) construction worker : Mariah Carey
c.) Garth Brooks : heavy metal
d.) apples : oranges

5.) McDonald's breakfast at 3am : a fun-filled and delicious adventure

a.) rain forests : future paper
b.) white collar crimes : cause inkstains instead of bloodstains
c.) ArtStreet Cafe anytime : a fun-filled and delicious adventure
d.) something else : doesn't matter this is not the right answer



Stop! You have completed the analogy section of Spicy Blog Sauce. Do not move on to the next section until instructed to do so.

Time is up! Please put down your pencils and turn in your exam. I have provided you with the answers and the grading scale below. Please feel free to look over them and if you have any questions or concerns, I don't care.

Grade Scale

5/5: You just scored a perfect 578 on the Spicy Blog Sauce standardized test! Any college would be willing to accept you in a heartbeat! This number may seem irrelevant and ridiculous, but so do the SAT and ACT grading systems. Congratulations!

4/5: Your score is a 575. Although not as good as those stuck up losers who were able to get a perfect score, you are still in a competitive arena when applying to colleges. If I were a college, I would totally accept you! Well, that's if all the 578ers are already taken. Those guys are just so smart!

3/5: Your Spicy Blog Sauce test score is a 3. You might as well start applying to your local fast food restaurants because no college will ever accept you. Good luck with the rest of your life stupid.

2/5: Your final score is a 2.75. You are going to wish you've never been born with the way colleges are going to laugh at you. Please find a nice closet or enclosed space to hide in for the rest of your life. While you're at it, please stop reading my blog. You are tainting it with your miserable self.

1/5: You receive an incomplete. By doing this poorly, you do not deserve an actual score. You will burn in Hell if you even think about applying to college. Stop wasting your time taking tests, you are obviously not smart enough to know how they work. Go find the nearest doggie bowl and start eating dog food out of it because that is how people are going to start treating you from now on if I have anything to say about it.

0/5: I am not going to acknowledge those of you who received a 0 with an actual response.

Answers
1.) b
2.) c. Although not true, c is the correct response in this case.
3.) d. Who is Jack Russell anyway?
4.) a
5.) c. My perfect day would include a trip to ASC and McDonalds.