Two Post Tuesday

This man is nuts



I have no words.

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The strangest thing happened on my way to work today. I drove instead of taking the bus because I had no change. Stupid RTA only takes exact change. I was on the highway when a cop guns it a couple hundred feet in front of me. I was pumped, hoping that someone was about to get pulled over. No one did.

The cop began to swerve through all four lanes, not letting anyone through. Having no idea what was going on, I began to think the man behind the wheel stole the car and was F-ing with everyone on the freeway. After about 5 minutes of this nonsense, he stops and I notice a car to the left with a flat tire. The cop gets out of his car and makes everyone sit there while the man drives over to the right side of the rode, away from immediate danger. All that and I didn't even get to see a major 10 car pileup. Disappointing...

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I was on my way home yesterday from playing a few games of basketball with some friends when Mariah Carey's Touch My Body came over the airwaves. Nothing special, but considering it's such a sexually driven song, it got me wondering: do singers ever make love to their own music?

I can't help but think someone like Mariah Carey will only do it to the tune of her own music. If I was a famous singer I think I would too.

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Here are a couple websites I have been looking at the past couple weeks. One is LOL funny, the other not as funny but is awesome.

Emails from an Asshole: This man finds ads in classifieds, and harrasses the people who placed the ads. Some hilarious interactions follow (Thanks Darja for this one).

1000 Awesome Things: A collection of the small things in life that are truly awesome. I would agree with about 95% of the things on this site. Every one that I can really connect with puts a huge smile on my face. Check it out.

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Two posts today. Sorry, I had some catching up to do.

Heartwarming Email

I received the sweetest, most heartfelt email today. It's such a good feeling to know that someone can care about me so much. I think I'll share it with you guys.

Hello Daniel,

I am writing on behalf of the Internet Sales Team here at Pat O'Brien Chevrolet to say that we miss you.

We care about your needs at Pat O'Brien and wanted you to know that we didn't forget about you.

We were also wondering if there was anything we could do for you?

Would you like another fresh quote on a vehicle from us? You originally sent a request in for a 2009 Chevrolet Cobalt Base Coupe. Have you changed direction? We know that many times your initial request isn't necessarily what you end up being interested in based on your wants, needs and / or budgetary concerns.

Have you been to our website recently to view all of our current specials on new and used vehicles? At Pat O'Brien's Website we post all of our New and Used vehicle inventory online and our UpFront Pricing Guarantee on each and every vehicle there.

Do you have any concerns we can address for you? jsetele@patobrienchevy.com Please note that you can call me on my cell phone, or even text message me at 440.376.1030 if that would be more convenient for you.

We are looking forward to hearing from you and thank you for the opportunity to serve you at Pat O'Brien Chevrolet.

Thank you for your time,

Jim

Such a thoughtful e-mail. He even gave me his cell phone number just in case I ever had any problems in my life that I wanted to get off my chest. I've never had a friend quite like this car dealership. And they miss me! :)

Unfortunately, we're not as close of friends as I thought. If we were, Pat O'Brien (POB) Chevy would know that I bought a car already.

From a rival dealership.

I would tell them, but I can't bear to break their heart after such a warm and thoughtful email. Letting go is such a hard thing to do...

Sidenote: I wonder what a "fresh" car quote looks like. I didn't know they could go bad. I wonder if they smell like rotten milk when they do. Gross.

Erie, PA: A Priceless City in an Otherwise Bland State

***Jessica: If you read this post, I apologize in advance for completely tearing apart your hometown. I'm sure Erie is a wonderful place. If you are ever in Euclid, feel free to make fun of it all you want.***

***Those of you from Cincinnati: I don't apologize***

The title is somewhat misleading, and by somewhat I mean completely misleading. Erie may very well be a great place, but I did not get a full experience. I've only been there twice for their local attractions; Waldameer Park and Splash Lagoon. I went to Waldameer yesterday, and judging by the crowd in attendance, Erie can be none other than a high class town (Two words come to mind when I think of Erie: mohawks galore!).

We were a little hesitant about taking the trip since there was a chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon (I went with my two brothers and one of my sisters). We go anyway, hoping for the best. Sure enough, as soon as we enter the great state of Pennsylvania, it starts POURING! I begin to get depressed knowing I just drove an hour and a half to the middle of nowhere and probably won't be able to ride anything. What a comforting welcome to a new state. Fortunately for us, mother nature was just messing with us and clear skies appeared as soon as we arrived.

Waldameer Park is a relatively small park, but is surprisingly fun. It is home to one of the best wooden coasters in the world: The Ravine Flyer II. This coaster and the Georgia Cyclone at Six Flags Over Georgia have changed my perspective on wooden roller coasters forever. Being a frequenter to Cedar Point, I have not experienced any good wooden rides. But now that I am expanding on my roller coaster knowledge, I'm slowly being won over by the wood.

On top of the Ravine Flyer II, other fantastic attractions include the X-Scream (a free-fallin drop tower), the Screaming Dragon (a roller coaster where the seat spins in circles while you ride), the Wacky Shack (a semi-haunted house), and the Seadragon (a giant swinging dragon, similar to the Ocean Motion at Cedar Point).

While waiting in line for lunch, I had a conversation with a man who was having a downer day at the park. Why so? He ran out of snuff halfway through the day and was just itching to get his hands on some more! I felt sorry for the man, but since I'm not into chewing tobacco, could not help him out in any way. After that convo, I knew there was no way this day could go wrong. To make it even better, he was wearing Crocs with socks! I was in heaven. Waldameer Park, on top of being incredibly fun, is ripe for blogging!

You should also know that I braved their Sky Ride, which was twice as frightening as any other one I have ever been on. It was basically a ski lift, with only a thin bar in front of me. I was on edge the entire time, but made it off safely.

So yeah...I won't bore you with every detail about the park, but it was fun. I would recommend it. There are a lot of rides that are sure to impress.

During lunch today at work, a few coworkers just so happened to mention amusement parks they have been to recently. One was talking about how the people are completely different going from Disney World one year to King's Island the next. He said compared to Disney, people at King's Island are incredibly trashy (since it calls Cincinnati as its hometown, I couldn't agree more). This man obviously has never been to Erie, PA. All I can say is, WOW. I thought the Dirty South was bad. I was pleasantly surprised by the locals. After being there, I 100% believe the Civil War only ended because the North was willing to take Erie from South. The South thought Erie was too trashy for them and decided to trade it for an end to slavery. The South totally won out on the deal. The North would be kicking themselves for several years after (I should be a history teacher). I felt like I was in the middle of a trailer park the entire time.

Next park on the agenda is Cedar Point again in August. I already posted about CP earlier this summer, but I'm sure there will be some stories to share, so I'll keep you posted.

Red Robin! Yummmmmmmm

I went to Red Robin yesterday with a friend and a few people I didn't know. We were on our way to this fine establishment when said friend asked, "What is your favorite thing at Red Robin Dan?" Granted, she has never been to the best burger joint on the planet with me, but I've decided that the only people who truly know me are the ones who know what I order at Red Robin just about every time.

The Red Robin Bacon Cheeseburger. Easily the best slab of cow topped with pigs, vegetables, and condiments in North America (if there are Red Robins internationally, then the best in the world). Typically medium-well, and more often than not with pepperjack cheese. If anyone wants to know how to make me feel on top of the world, this is it.

Depending on what kind of mood I'm in (and the amount of money I have at the time), I will splurge on a freckled lemonade. Red Robin's signature beverage, this delightful treat will quench your thirst and keep you coming back for more. Fortunately for the patron who orders it, they are bottomless, just like the fries, so drink up! One of the best parts of the lemonade is the fresh strawberries they put right in the drink! So satisfying.

Speaking of bottomless fries, if you can actually eat any more after the giant burger they give you, you can get all the fries you want. Their fries are almost always scorchingly hot, so be careful, you might burn yourself! And yes, just like everything else, they are incredibly delicious. If you're lucky, you may even get some fries before your meal even comes out! Next time you go, make sure to ask for some fries while you wait for your food.

Here's to hoping that someone high up in Red Robin sees my blog and decides to give me free Red Robin for life.

As I was saying, I tend to get the same thing just about every time I go. It's not that I haven't tried new things either. It's just, whenever I do, I'm left disheartened knowing I could have had a much better burger in the Bacon Cheeseburger (not that any of Red Robin's burgers are sub-par Mr. Top Executive that is reading my blog. Please still give me free burgers!) It's just nice to have something in life to rely on, and so far the only thing I have found is this delectable burger.

Feel honored knowing that you are now part of the select few that truly know me.

The Sky Ride (Almost) Kills Again...

You may remember my post a couple months ago about my fears of the Sky Ride, a high wire balancing act found at most amusement parks that almost always ends in death...well...not usually...well...never. Basically, I don't understand why someone would risk their life like that knowing there's a possibility of being "dangled to death."

Today I found out something rather appalling while at work. I was reading internet articles for 3/4th's of the day, as usual, and found out someone was seriously injured on this death trap. A man fractured his vertabrae falling 35 feet into some shrubbery below. I won't bore you with any more of the details, and some of you may say that my fears are still not justified by this particular accident. I'll post the article though as proof of the incident, since most of you probably don't believe an accident can occur on this operating graveyard (Because it is likely to kill you while you ride it. I wasn't sure if that joke was a bit of a stretch so I thought I would be kind enough to explain it. I'm such a gentleman).

The man injured was a kicker for a college football team. Looks like he may be out the rest of the season due to his stupid lifestyle choice to hang around the mechanical grim reaper. Poor guy, but I'm not at all surprised.

I was reading an article today about how moths are able to trick bats using the same sonar techniques that the bats use. The article made me think about how much it would suck to be a bat. Every single member of your specie is blind and can only find its way around by an annoying high pitched yell. Not only that, but a simple moth can fake you out. That would be smelly.

It would also blow to be a squirrel. Mainly because most of your family members will die by getting hit by a car. Someone needs to get the ball rolling on teaching these squirrels how to look both ways before crossing the street.

$23,148,855,308,184,500

The Goodyear building that was across the street from where I work was recently torn down/blown up/something of the sort. Workers have been destroying the rubble for the past two weeks now, and we are able to see the demolition from our 8th story windows.

One man out of the wrecking crew has the best job in the world: as the machines destroy what remains of the building, this man must hold a hose and spray the crushed rocks to make sure dust is kept to a minimum. Every time I've looked outside, he is there holding the hose. I don't know how this man found this job, but sign me up!

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I saw this article today while at work (Quadrillion Dollar Charge). Thought it was hilarious. A man goes to the gas station and buys a pack of smokes, checks his debit card balance later, and sees he was charged $23 quadrillion dollars. No joke. CNN put it beautifully saying, "He noticed that his debt exceeded the world GDP while making a routine balance inquiry..." How cool would it be to have more debt than every country in the world combined for a short period of time? 23 quadrillion! Imagine seeing that on your credit card statement! The actual total was $23,148,855,308,184,500. Easily the most expensive pack of cigarettes ever.

The Bus, The Bus, The Bus Is On FIRE!

I made one of the most regrettable decisions of my young life earlier today. What was that decision you ask? Well read on and you'll find out. Do you actually think I would leave you hanging like that?

It was quite a normal day at the office. Did a few odds and ends jobs for about eight hours, then headed home. On the bus. Yes, I may have a car now, but I have my reasons for still taking public transportation, like near-death experiences such as today. Ok, it wasn't that close to death, but still, it was crazy.

Continuing, the bus gets on the freeway and we're well on our way home. Things were going pretty smoothly until...BOOM! The engine starts sputtering and we pull of to the side of the road. I was sitting a couple rows from the back, when all of the sudden smoke begins flooding the cabin from the rear (the engine is located in the back of the bus). Having no clue as to what was going on, everyone gets off and stands around trying to figure out how they will be getting home.

Then, I look over at the bus. To my surprise, THE ENGINE WAS ON FIRE! I take a few more steps back in anticipation of a huge explosion, you know, the kind that throws you ten feet in the air which you only see in action movies. The bus driver grabs a fire extinguisher from inside the bus and puts out the ginormous blaze. He saved our lives right then, and I never got the chance to thank him. The backup bus had arrived and I didn't want to miss it.

BUT WAIT! There's more! (In honor of Billy Mays) While watching the inferno, a friend from high school, who just so happened to be on the same bus, comes up to me. We start chit-chatting, and I find out this was the second bus he has been on that has caught on fire! Apparently this is a routine thing that happens in Cleveland's RTA system. Really makes one feel secure knowing your rapid can burn to the ground at any second.

My regrettable decision? Not taking a picture of that majestic flame that made its home in the RTA engine. Sigh...

Chances are it will happen again though, so there will be plenty of other opportunities!

This used to be on the bathroom wall at my family's former house. Completely forgot about it until my sister sent me the Facebook bumper sticker.



I think it took me about 16 years to figure out what four letters filled in the blanks. I always assumed "poop" but realized later in life it may be something a little more vulgar. I was such a naive little boy. Still am, actually.

Fat People Are Angry Drivers

There are so many places I want to go, but I don't have the money. Funny thing is, when I actually do have money I probably won't have the time. Bogus. I should just become I pilot.

I knew I should have invested my money in AOL stock when I was six! I would hardly have to give a thought to trivial things like time and money. Instead, I blew it all on video games, candy, and hard drugs. I wasn't the most financially savvy adolescent.

Advice I've been getting from some of my coworkers: Never leave college. It sucks. Apparently I don't work with the most optimistic people. Then again, I work in an accounting firm, so I guess it's to be expected.

Taking I-77 North from the west side of Cleveland to get to I-90 East is probably the most confusing thing ever. I switched lanes about 7 times to try and get in the right one and ended up downtown on my way home. A slight detour, luckily there's a lot to see in downtown C-town, like the giant FREE stamp, or...actually that about covers it. I also realized the east side of Cleveland has about 1/4th the amount of traffic as the west side. Looks like I lucked out.

While on the subject of driving, apparently Cleveland ranks #2 for the most friendliest drivers in America, right behind Portland. Cincinnati ranks #9 as the least courteous drivers, right behind New York, Dallas, Detroit, Atlanta, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Phoenix, Miami, and Houston (http://www.bizjournals.com/boston/stories/2009/06/15/daily29.html).

Also of note: Of the top 10 cities listed as the least courteous drivers, 7 of them also rank among the top 25 fattest cities (New York, Dallas, Detroit, Phoenix, Miami, Houston, San Diego) (http://www.mensfitness.com/lifestyle/216).

Coincidence???

Michael Jackson And The South: A Dynamic Combo

I sorely miss the south. Every trip I've ever taken has been an out of this world experience. Southern folk are second to none, and the south is home to the best restaurant franchises the world over. I'm sure there are so many other hidden gems that I have yet to discover, and something tells me I'll be down there in the near future.

60+ degrees everyday in the dead of winter? Helloooo? How awesome is that?

All my southern fantasies have me thinking. What if the Civil War went the other way? Would America's roles be reversed? That is, would Northern folk be high class white trash and the people down under be normal? Would New Yorkers proudly display the American flag across their pickup trucks like so many Southerners do with the Confederate flag? What about Montana? Would people actually recognize that it exists? Would I be living on a cotton plantation right now? Would I have a son your age, but much better looking than you? So many unanswered questions that I am dying to know.

I'm also curious how many more hits on my blog I can get if I mention Michael Jackson a lot. Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, Jacko, the King of Pop, Jesus juice, Neverland, little boy lover, Michael Jackson, Thriller, Beat It, Free Willy, Michael Jackson. That should get a few, right?

Putting aside the abuse of a dead person for the sake of blog popularity, there is something of interest in the Jackson ordeal. His memorial service is tomorrow. 1.6 million people fought for the chance to attend, with 17,500 people getting tickets. As you would expect, tickets started popping up on eBay and Craigslist. Granted, both eBay and Craigslist tried to stop the auctions, which is for the best. Even I find it a bit sketchy to try and profit off of someone's death (even though I did just use it to boost blog visits). But get this, bidding for tickets reached upwards of $15,000! How insane is that!? You really have a lot of extra cash laying around if your willing to drop that much on a memorial service. Who needs Obama's stimulus plan? Leave it to Michael to find a way to solve the economic crisis.

People are nuts.

Bones 2

During my freshman year of college, I came home one random weekend at the beginning of November. Whenever I come home, something changes, and this occasion was no different. I was outside with my family when a cat that I have never seen before comes up to the porch. I'm pretty sure this cat was as close to death as possible at the time. I've never felt anything as skinny as that thing.

My family tends to give our pets very descriptive names. For instance, we have a black cat named Black and a grey one named Grey. Going with this trend, it was only appropriate to name this new one Bones. Unfortunately, that trip home was the only time I would ever see Bones. He stopped showing up by the time I came home for Thanksgiving Break. I'm pretty sure he's about as dead as Michael Jackson (too soon?).

Funny story, I go out to the porch today and see my sister petting an unknown cat (unknown to me at least). I asked what it was, and my sister sarcastically says, "It's a cat." I tell her I hate her and go back inside.

Apparently it's a new cat that's been showing up for the past few days. Considering I've been home for the past two months, I have no idea how I did not know about it. My family doesn't tell me anything.

Anyway, this cat is pretty skinny as well. It does not have a name (known to us), so I've been calling it Bones 2. It is the second grossest cat to touch, right behind the original Bones. After petting it, you can't help but have the urge to wash your hands right away. Everyone avoids its tail when petting it, because it's covered in crap.

We'll see how long Bones 2 can last.