I may have mentioned this before, but some hippie no name group puts together an event in the Cleveland area aptly named "The Corporate Challenge." Essentially it is a bunch of different games played by various companies. The sports that I know about include softball, putt-putt, volleyball, bowling, cornhole, and kickball. I was supposed to be Pease and Associates' "ringer" for softball, however the tournament was rained out. Therefore, my job was on the line for kickball. Perform well or face the possibility of losing my internship. No pressure.
The kickball tournament started bright and early, 12:30pm this past Saturday. I spent the previous night helping my parents with their paper route since their van broke down halfway through. It's a long story. Point is I was up from 3:30-7:30 Saturday morning. Considering what was at stake for this kickball tournament, I was not in the best shape to play already. Would I be able to pull through?
We arrive at the field around 11:30, and in typical Pease fashion, kick back a couple beers before we start. The tournament was incredibly unorganized, and the games were running late. Our original starting time of 12:30 was pushed back to 1:30. We take the field, with me playing shortstop. First game went by pretty smoothly, with Pease taking an unexpected win.
Then the waiting came. Since each game took much longer than expected, we ended up sitting around until our next game started TWO HOURS later. Luckily we brought plenty of beer to pass away the time (UD grads know how to play kickball).
To give you an idea of how unorganized this tournament was, let me give you some facts. There were probably a total of 25 teams in three separate divisions. Assuming each time has 8 players, that's about 200 people. There were also family members who came to watch, and the staff. I would say the total amount of people there was around 350. THERE WERE TWO PORT-O-POTTIES! AND TWO TRASH CANS! These cans were overflowing with garbage. I've never seen anything like it.
On to game two. We win again! We're thinking pretty highly of ourselves right now. With our expectations being two losses and leaving (It was a double elimination tournament), we were flying high. However, we were all getting tired and no one brought sunscreen so we were getting pretty burnt, me especially. I'm glowing red as I write this.
Game three. We lose. Damn.
Up to this point, I haven't done much to really stand out in order to keep my job. It's not that I was bad, but I wasn't anything special either. Then came game four. It was my time to shine. I think the opposing team wanted to help me keep my internship so they hit everything in my direction. Let me tell you, I was ready for it. At one point my teammates were saying they were only performing well because I willed it to happen. One teammate even exclaimed, "Thanks for willing me to catch the ball Legcock," after he caught a fly ball. I was nicknamed Legcock also. Funny, because its kickball. I use my legs. Between the 3rd and 4th innings, I recorded 6 straight outs. Not too shabby. I think it's safe to say my job is still intact.
Game 5. We lose again. Normally this would be a heartbreaker, but considering it was 7:30 in the afternoon, no one actually wanted to play anymore. The loss worked out in our favor.
22.6.09
Meet Antonio
I did not know what I was getting myself into during my bus ride this morning. I met this kid, roughly 16-17 years of age, that grew up in New York City before moving to Peoria, Il, then moving again to Euclid. The kid told me his life story on our 20 minute ride to downtown Cleveland, but regretably, I never got his name. He'll be working downtown throughout the summer so I'll have to get it on a future trip. I'll refer to him as Antonio for the time being.
I walk down the aisle and take a seat next to a small kid (Antonio), thinking it would be your average ride. He turns to me and asks, "Do you know where St. Clair Ave is?" I answer his question as best I can. He then says, "I just moved from Illinois so I don't know the area at all."
"Where at in Illinois are you from?" I inquire.
"Peoria."
"No way! My college roommate is from there!"
"What's his name?"
"Jordan Barth."
"I might have a cousin that knows him."
"Oh."
We then get to talking, and I find out how much of a delinquent this kid truly is. Don't get me wrong, I like the kid, but he is definitely trouble. He talked about his time in juvy, and how Cleveland juveniles are such wusses compared to the ones in New York. You can yell and taunt the kids in the Cleveland detention centers and they won't budge, but if you do it to a kid in NYC, they'll fight back. Good to know.
Apparently there was a girl in Cleveland that shaved her head so she could get in the boys detention center to avoid the girls one, because the girls are much, much worse. Girls, if you ever find yourself in juvy, make sure to shave your head to avoid trouble. It works.
Antonio loves the subway in New York. He gave me tips on how to avoid paying fares. All you have to do is wait until the train begins to move, climb to the roof, and hang on for dear life. Antonio has never payed for a fare in his life. Badass. He's able to do this kind of stuff because he's not afraid of heights. Living in NYC has made him fearless.
He learned how to drive at a young age. His biological father taught him to flip the bird to other New York drivers. His adopted father was not too happy when he saw Antonio flipping drivers off!
Antonio loves karate, but tends to get kicked out of martial arts schools. His teachers are a bunch of clowns that just don't understand how good he is. He kicked the ass of every black belt in one of his schools, but they refused to move him up in rank. He loved to spar against the girls at his karate school, because they were all fat and easy to dance around.
The best part came towards the end of the bus ride. Right before Antonio's stop, he pulled out his plastic gun that he uses to shoot poison tipped darts at people. It was a gun that shot foam darts, and he would put a poison tipped needle on the end of it. That freaked me out a little bit. I was kind of glad he was getting off the bus at that point.
I learned these and other life lessons today. Hopefully I will have more to share in the future.
I walk down the aisle and take a seat next to a small kid (Antonio), thinking it would be your average ride. He turns to me and asks, "Do you know where St. Clair Ave is?" I answer his question as best I can. He then says, "I just moved from Illinois so I don't know the area at all."
"Where at in Illinois are you from?" I inquire.
"Peoria."
"No way! My college roommate is from there!"
"What's his name?"
"Jordan Barth."
"I might have a cousin that knows him."
"Oh."
We then get to talking, and I find out how much of a delinquent this kid truly is. Don't get me wrong, I like the kid, but he is definitely trouble. He talked about his time in juvy, and how Cleveland juveniles are such wusses compared to the ones in New York. You can yell and taunt the kids in the Cleveland detention centers and they won't budge, but if you do it to a kid in NYC, they'll fight back. Good to know.
Apparently there was a girl in Cleveland that shaved her head so she could get in the boys detention center to avoid the girls one, because the girls are much, much worse. Girls, if you ever find yourself in juvy, make sure to shave your head to avoid trouble. It works.
Antonio loves the subway in New York. He gave me tips on how to avoid paying fares. All you have to do is wait until the train begins to move, climb to the roof, and hang on for dear life. Antonio has never payed for a fare in his life. Badass. He's able to do this kind of stuff because he's not afraid of heights. Living in NYC has made him fearless.
He learned how to drive at a young age. His biological father taught him to flip the bird to other New York drivers. His adopted father was not too happy when he saw Antonio flipping drivers off!
Antonio loves karate, but tends to get kicked out of martial arts schools. His teachers are a bunch of clowns that just don't understand how good he is. He kicked the ass of every black belt in one of his schools, but they refused to move him up in rank. He loved to spar against the girls at his karate school, because they were all fat and easy to dance around.
The best part came towards the end of the bus ride. Right before Antonio's stop, he pulled out his plastic gun that he uses to shoot poison tipped darts at people. It was a gun that shot foam darts, and he would put a poison tipped needle on the end of it. That freaked me out a little bit. I was kind of glad he was getting off the bus at that point.
I learned these and other life lessons today. Hopefully I will have more to share in the future.
18.6.09
Dirty Pop
Sick and tired of hearing all these people talk about,
What's the deal with this pop life, and when is it gonna fade out?
The thing you got to realize what we doing is not a trend.
We got the gift of melody, we gonna bring it till the end.
(Come on now)
It doesn't matter
'Bout the car I drive or what I wear around my neck.
All that matters
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect.
It doesn't matter
About the clothes I wear and where I go and why.
All that matters
Is that you get hyped and we'll do it to you every time.
(Come on now)
Do you ever wonder why
This music gets you high?
It takes you on a ride
Feel it when your body
Starts to rock
(Your body starts to rock)
Baby you can't stop
(You can't stop)
And the music's all you got
Come on now
This must be, pop
Dirty pop
Baby bet you can't stop
I know you like this dirty pop
This must be
Now,why you wanna try to classify the type of thing we do?
'Cause we're just fine doin' what we like, can we say the same for you?
Tired of feelin all around me animosity.
Just worry about yours 'cause I'ma get mine.
Now people can't you see
It doesn't matter
'Bout the car I drive or the ice around my neck.
All that matters
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect (oh)
It doesn't matter
About the clothes I wear and where I go and why.
All that matters
Is that you get hyped and we'll give it to you every time.
(Come on)
Do you ever wonder why (Why?)
This music gets you high?
(Gets you high)
It takes you on a ride
Feel it when your
Body starts to rock
(Your body starts to rock)
Baby you can't stop
(You can't stop)
And the music's all you got
Baby come on
This must be, pop
Ooh
Man I'm tired of singing.
Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
What's the deal with this pop life, and when is it gonna fade out?
The thing you got to realize what we doing is not a trend.
We got the gift of melody, we gonna bring it till the end.
(Come on now)
It doesn't matter
'Bout the car I drive or what I wear around my neck.
All that matters
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect.
It doesn't matter
About the clothes I wear and where I go and why.
All that matters
Is that you get hyped and we'll do it to you every time.
(Come on now)
Do you ever wonder why
This music gets you high?
It takes you on a ride
Feel it when your body
Starts to rock
(Your body starts to rock)
Baby you can't stop
(You can't stop)
And the music's all you got
Come on now
This must be, pop
Dirty pop
Baby bet you can't stop
I know you like this dirty pop
This must be
Now,why you wanna try to classify the type of thing we do?
'Cause we're just fine doin' what we like, can we say the same for you?
Tired of feelin all around me animosity.
Just worry about yours 'cause I'ma get mine.
Now people can't you see
It doesn't matter
'Bout the car I drive or the ice around my neck.
All that matters
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect (oh)
It doesn't matter
About the clothes I wear and where I go and why.
All that matters
Is that you get hyped and we'll give it to you every time.
(Come on)
Do you ever wonder why (Why?)
This music gets you high?
(Gets you high)
It takes you on a ride
Feel it when your
Body starts to rock
(Your body starts to rock)
Baby you can't stop
(You can't stop)
And the music's all you got
Baby come on
This must be, pop
Ooh
Man I'm tired of singing.
Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
17.6.09
Bus Rides
Not having a car can be a bit of a downer, but riding the public transit can definitely have its perks. I arrive at the bus stop at 8am every day and let my imagination run wild.
For starters, there is one lady who waits at the bus stop with me...usually. Occasionally a random man in a white Cadillac will drive up to the stop and she will hop in the car and wait there until the bus arrives. Sometimes the man even gives her a ride to the stop, but usually he comes a little after she gets there. It's all a bit shady, and I can't help but think that there are some extramarital affairs occurring, or at least I hope so. That would make waiting for the bus much juicier. Bus stop gossip is the best kind of gossip.
The past couple morning bus rides have been extraordinary. Yesterday, a couple sitting to my left had the wildest conversation I have ever heard in my life. It was mainly the guy talking, but every word that came out of his mouth was LOLworthy. I would reiterate it word for word, but I like to keep the swearing on my blog to a minimum. About every other word that came out of his mouth was the F-bomb. Just to give you an idea, I overheard talks of telling a doctor to shove his head up his own ass, destroying every car we passed on the freeway, and not giving a f%*$ about anything. It was extremely hard not to laugh the entire way to work.
This morning, the lady to my right was supposedly talking to one of her friends on the phone. Nothing special, except halfway through the conversation she started talking about how she didn't understand why the cops were called, she wasn't actually going to kill anyone. Apparently this girl was arrested for aggravated assault, or something like that, I'm not really up on my crime lingo. It came out of left field. It blows my mind that you can find these treasure conversations on the RTA. I love it.
In other news, I got my first postcards (Diane, I have not received yours, sorry). The first place I can cross off my list is........West Virginia! And to make life even better, I have two of them!
For starters, there is one lady who waits at the bus stop with me...usually. Occasionally a random man in a white Cadillac will drive up to the stop and she will hop in the car and wait there until the bus arrives. Sometimes the man even gives her a ride to the stop, but usually he comes a little after she gets there. It's all a bit shady, and I can't help but think that there are some extramarital affairs occurring, or at least I hope so. That would make waiting for the bus much juicier. Bus stop gossip is the best kind of gossip.
The past couple morning bus rides have been extraordinary. Yesterday, a couple sitting to my left had the wildest conversation I have ever heard in my life. It was mainly the guy talking, but every word that came out of his mouth was LOLworthy. I would reiterate it word for word, but I like to keep the swearing on my blog to a minimum. About every other word that came out of his mouth was the F-bomb. Just to give you an idea, I overheard talks of telling a doctor to shove his head up his own ass, destroying every car we passed on the freeway, and not giving a f%*$ about anything. It was extremely hard not to laugh the entire way to work.
This morning, the lady to my right was supposedly talking to one of her friends on the phone. Nothing special, except halfway through the conversation she started talking about how she didn't understand why the cops were called, she wasn't actually going to kill anyone. Apparently this girl was arrested for aggravated assault, or something like that, I'm not really up on my crime lingo. It came out of left field. It blows my mind that you can find these treasure conversations on the RTA. I love it.
In other news, I got my first postcards (Diane, I have not received yours, sorry). The first place I can cross off my list is........West Virginia! And to make life even better, I have two of them!
14.6.09
Becoming Famous the Easy Way
I've been on a bit of a Justin Timberlake kick lately. Not just his music (especially when he was with N'Sync, OMG), but also his laid back celebrity personality. There's something about his random appearances on Saturday Night Live skits that makes me admire him. As I sit here and write this post while JT is bringing sexy back on my iPod, I can't help but think that he's the type of celebrity I would want to be like if (make that when) I become famous.
But the underlying question is, how do I become that famous? Looking back at JT's career, it actually looks relatively straightfoward: Join the Mickey Mouse Club, be the lead singer of a boy band, bang a famous singer, leave the boy band and do it all yourself instead, bang more famous people, do a couple acting side jobs, and appear on just about every episode of SNL. Easy. I already love Disney World so I'm off to a good start.
Unfortunately, I can't sing for the life of me and people make sure I know about it. Since no one wants to hear me sing, that impedes my ability to join a boy band, which in turn makes it much more difficult to bang a famous singer (although I'm not going to rule it out). Seeing as I'm a talentless accountant from the Midwest also really sets me back a bit. Getting famous the JT way is probably out of the question.
But then I thought, who is the most famous person ever? Only one name came to mind: David Hasselhoff. He doesn't sing, hardly acts, and yet, people can't get enough of him. Becoming famous the Hasselhoff way is soooo much simpler too: Get a car that can talk, become a lifeguard, then pretend to be a judge on a sub-par talent competition. It's so easy, I can't believe I didn't think about it before!
Fame and fortune, here I come!
But the underlying question is, how do I become that famous? Looking back at JT's career, it actually looks relatively straightfoward: Join the Mickey Mouse Club, be the lead singer of a boy band, bang a famous singer, leave the boy band and do it all yourself instead, bang more famous people, do a couple acting side jobs, and appear on just about every episode of SNL. Easy. I already love Disney World so I'm off to a good start.
Unfortunately, I can't sing for the life of me and people make sure I know about it. Since no one wants to hear me sing, that impedes my ability to join a boy band, which in turn makes it much more difficult to bang a famous singer (although I'm not going to rule it out). Seeing as I'm a talentless accountant from the Midwest also really sets me back a bit. Getting famous the JT way is probably out of the question.
But then I thought, who is the most famous person ever? Only one name came to mind: David Hasselhoff. He doesn't sing, hardly acts, and yet, people can't get enough of him. Becoming famous the Hasselhoff way is soooo much simpler too: Get a car that can talk, become a lifeguard, then pretend to be a judge on a sub-par talent competition. It's so easy, I can't believe I didn't think about it before!
Fame and fortune, here I come!
10.6.09
Cheap Post
I'm going for a cheap thrill today. I was looking through some pictures and videos on my phone, when I came across these. They are some of the embarrassing videos people have sent me. I figured most of you have already seen them, so no harm no foul.
This first one was on the car ride HOME from Daytona as you can tell with the Mickey hands that I cherish so much. Not sure how I had this much energy, but the backseat was a dance party for about 15 hours.
This is me over 56 Woodland dancing with umbrellas because I was sick of playing Boom. I've come to hate that game. It never ended well for me.
Also, it is now a lifelong dream of mine to be a part of this:
This first one was on the car ride HOME from Daytona as you can tell with the Mickey hands that I cherish so much. Not sure how I had this much energy, but the backseat was a dance party for about 15 hours.
This is me over 56 Woodland dancing with umbrellas because I was sick of playing Boom. I've come to hate that game. It never ended well for me.
Also, it is now a lifelong dream of mine to be a part of this:
9.6.09
-
You would think that living with five other siblings, I would have plenty to do in my spare time. Unfortunately, none of them are ever around, leaving me depressed and alone in a big, empty house. I don't mind growing up, but I'm not as big of a fan of the rest of my family growing up too. Anyways...
My mind is drawing a complete blank right now, I guess I spoke too soon about that "orgasm of creativity" I mentioned yesterday. For today, I'm just going to leave you with a few facts you may or may not know about me.
Name: Daniel James Laycock
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Blue
Hometown: Euclid, OH
Social Security #: Get real
Siblings: 2 brothers, 3 sisters
Major: Accounting
Minor: Economics (I always forget I have that)
Favorite Food: Beef stroganoff (I only really know it's my favorite food because my mom makes it a priority to make it every time I come home from school)
Favorite Movie: Forrest Gump or Heavyweights probably
Favorite Black President of the United States of America: Barack Obama
Favorite Grape Juice: the dark kind
Favorite Musician: Clarence Carter (I'm strokin!)
Favorite Childhood Memory: Playing war with my brothers and sisters. This involved me and my brother picking teams and fighting each other to "the death." Every time my mom got pregnant, we would have to fight it out to see who would get the new sibling. These battles usually got pretty intense and someone would end up grounded for weeks on end.
Favorite College Memory: Dancing with umbrellas
Favorite Ice Cream: The Galley flavor of the month
Favorite Fancy Restaurant: ArtStreet Cafe
Broken bones: 2. Broke my nose when I was 9 playing baseball. Broke my hand sophomore year of college playing basketball.
Favorite Dog: Not Jenny.
That's about all I got today. I'll get back to the grind tomorrow, don't you worry your little self.
8.6.09
Cedar Point
My mind is racing with ideas for this blog while I'm sitting up in my 8th floor office in the sky. I'm basically getting paid the big bucks to write these posts, so I'm going to enjoy it while I can. Expect an orgasm of creativity all over this blog in the near future.
To be honest, I'm a bit nervous about this particular post. It has a lot to live up to since my rollercoaster-loving friend (we'll call him Gerald) has been anxiously waiting for me to write it for the past three days. I just don't know if I'm up for the challenge. I know none of you care about my feelings though, so I'll move on.
I went out to the Sandusky area with a few of my close friends that I've known for years (for the sake of the story, we'll call them Julie, Cindy, and Zack). On Saturday, we spent the day at Cedar Point, America's Roller Coast. In an effort to satisfy Gerald, I am going to relive my thrilling CP experience through a top ten list.
Top Ten Good/Bad Events From This Past Saturday's Trip To Cedar Point
1. The Maverick
Being the only one in the group to have previously experienced the best roller coaster ever, I made sure everyone knew how incredible this ride truly was. "I don't know if this ride will live up to all this hype you're giving it Dan," they threw back in my face. I didn't waver. I had total confidence that each and every one of them would leave the ride with a new perspective on life. I continued to talk it up. Then, the unthinkable happened.
The ride broke.
Unbelievable. My best friends in the whole world were not going to enjoy the most electrifying ride in amusement park entertainment (WWF The Rock reference anyone?). We would have to come back later. And that is exactly what we did. Seeing as this was the second time we would have to wait in line, my confidence dropped a bit about their ride enjoyment. Could it possibly be worth waiting in line twice just to ride it once? I was scared, but I refused to show it. I talked it up even more, hoping for the best. So, was I right?
Of course I was. Stupid question.
2. Bird Poop
Yes, bird poop makes the top ten list. As I was exiting a ride, in slow motion, a giant gob of something landed on my head (picture it falling on my head really slow for an added effect). I touched the spot where it landed to see what it was and pulled out a handful of a strange, brown substance. I looked up to see the biggest bird in my life. This thing was probably twice the size of the average ostrich. To add insult to injury, it was after getting off the Corkscrew, a joke of a coaster. Unable to actually see what was in my hair, I grab a napkin and have Cindy get it out for me. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I'm much taller than Cindy, so I was on my knees as she played with my hair in front of the entire park.
I wiped my hair furiously for the next half hour after getting off the ride before we headed off to #3 on my list. To add even more insult to even more injury, I couldn't shower until I got home on Sunday. With that being said, you are welcome to judge all you want. I deserve it.
3. Top Thrill
Our group shrinks as Cindy chickens out. Some just can't handle the intensity. The rest of us know how to have fun. We walked past this ride about ten times throughout the day. We had a pretty roundabout way to get to everything. Every time it shoots off, we would stare in awe of it's incredible power (that's what she said). But now, it was time to ride (she also said that).
Surprisingly, the line was short. A sub 1 hour wait for a ride that is usually 2+.
It was my turn to get in. We get up to the light and wait for take-off. I am clutching the handle on my harness with all my life, knowing I will die in about 15 seconds.
We take off. Through the shrill, deafening screams of Julie I am able to hear the car race up to 120 mph. After collecting myself, I realize we are already 400+ feet in the air, about to come crashing back down to the earth. To my relief, we reach the end of the ride safely. I cry for a little bit before we move on.
4. Losing Feet on the Millenium Force
This was an interesting conversation we had while in line for the ride. Cindy was deathly afraid of riding; however, she was only allowed to opt out of one ride the entire day, and she chose Top Thrill. To calm her nerves a bit, Julie tried to assure her that everything will be fine, that no one has actually died from riding a roller coaster. I had some sad news for her.
I brought up the accident that occurred a couple years ago that involved a girl and losing her feet. I'll leave out the rest of the details. It must have been their lucky day however, because I completely forgot about the incident at Six Flags Over Georgia. If I would have brought that one up, we probably would not have rode the Millenium that day.
We get up to the front of the line, and it breaks. For some reason we couldn't get in a line without a ride breaking down. I was beginning to get a little anxious with all the talk about losing feet after the ride broke though. To make things even better, we were the first ones to ride the broken train. Sweet.
Long story short, everything was fine and we enjoyed the ride.
5. Panda Express
Dinner time. We finish our adventure on the Millenium and head over to the nearby Panda Express. Nothing unusual about the food, but the cups only came in one size: bucket. These cups were roughly three times the size of my head and also three times more expensive than anyone would pay to hang out with me for a day. I was able to finish about 1/4th of it before having to throw it away. I didn't realize they only had Panda-sized softdrinks at Panda Express.
I changed my mind. A list to ten would be way too long. Five is a good stopping point.
Next stop: King's Island
Next stop after that: Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey
Let me know if you want to go.
To be honest, I'm a bit nervous about this particular post. It has a lot to live up to since my rollercoaster-loving friend (we'll call him Gerald) has been anxiously waiting for me to write it for the past three days. I just don't know if I'm up for the challenge. I know none of you care about my feelings though, so I'll move on.
I went out to the Sandusky area with a few of my close friends that I've known for years (for the sake of the story, we'll call them Julie, Cindy, and Zack). On Saturday, we spent the day at Cedar Point, America's Roller Coast. In an effort to satisfy Gerald, I am going to relive my thrilling CP experience through a top ten list.
Top Ten Good/Bad Events From This Past Saturday's Trip To Cedar Point
1. The Maverick
Being the only one in the group to have previously experienced the best roller coaster ever, I made sure everyone knew how incredible this ride truly was. "I don't know if this ride will live up to all this hype you're giving it Dan," they threw back in my face. I didn't waver. I had total confidence that each and every one of them would leave the ride with a new perspective on life. I continued to talk it up. Then, the unthinkable happened.
The ride broke.
Unbelievable. My best friends in the whole world were not going to enjoy the most electrifying ride in amusement park entertainment (WWF The Rock reference anyone?). We would have to come back later. And that is exactly what we did. Seeing as this was the second time we would have to wait in line, my confidence dropped a bit about their ride enjoyment. Could it possibly be worth waiting in line twice just to ride it once? I was scared, but I refused to show it. I talked it up even more, hoping for the best. So, was I right?
Of course I was. Stupid question.
2. Bird Poop
Yes, bird poop makes the top ten list. As I was exiting a ride, in slow motion, a giant gob of something landed on my head (picture it falling on my head really slow for an added effect). I touched the spot where it landed to see what it was and pulled out a handful of a strange, brown substance. I looked up to see the biggest bird in my life. This thing was probably twice the size of the average ostrich. To add insult to injury, it was after getting off the Corkscrew, a joke of a coaster. Unable to actually see what was in my hair, I grab a napkin and have Cindy get it out for me. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I'm much taller than Cindy, so I was on my knees as she played with my hair in front of the entire park.
I wiped my hair furiously for the next half hour after getting off the ride before we headed off to #3 on my list. To add even more insult to even more injury, I couldn't shower until I got home on Sunday. With that being said, you are welcome to judge all you want. I deserve it.
3. Top Thrill
Our group shrinks as Cindy chickens out. Some just can't handle the intensity. The rest of us know how to have fun. We walked past this ride about ten times throughout the day. We had a pretty roundabout way to get to everything. Every time it shoots off, we would stare in awe of it's incredible power (that's what she said). But now, it was time to ride (she also said that).
Surprisingly, the line was short. A sub 1 hour wait for a ride that is usually 2+.
It was my turn to get in. We get up to the light and wait for take-off. I am clutching the handle on my harness with all my life, knowing I will die in about 15 seconds.
We take off. Through the shrill, deafening screams of Julie I am able to hear the car race up to 120 mph. After collecting myself, I realize we are already 400+ feet in the air, about to come crashing back down to the earth. To my relief, we reach the end of the ride safely. I cry for a little bit before we move on.
4. Losing Feet on the Millenium Force
This was an interesting conversation we had while in line for the ride. Cindy was deathly afraid of riding; however, she was only allowed to opt out of one ride the entire day, and she chose Top Thrill. To calm her nerves a bit, Julie tried to assure her that everything will be fine, that no one has actually died from riding a roller coaster. I had some sad news for her.
I brought up the accident that occurred a couple years ago that involved a girl and losing her feet. I'll leave out the rest of the details. It must have been their lucky day however, because I completely forgot about the incident at Six Flags Over Georgia. If I would have brought that one up, we probably would not have rode the Millenium that day.
We get up to the front of the line, and it breaks. For some reason we couldn't get in a line without a ride breaking down. I was beginning to get a little anxious with all the talk about losing feet after the ride broke though. To make things even better, we were the first ones to ride the broken train. Sweet.
Long story short, everything was fine and we enjoyed the ride.
5. Panda Express
Dinner time. We finish our adventure on the Millenium and head over to the nearby Panda Express. Nothing unusual about the food, but the cups only came in one size: bucket. These cups were roughly three times the size of my head and also three times more expensive than anyone would pay to hang out with me for a day. I was able to finish about 1/4th of it before having to throw it away. I didn't realize they only had Panda-sized softdrinks at Panda Express.
I changed my mind. A list to ten would be way too long. Five is a good stopping point.
Next stop: King's Island
Next stop after that: Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey
Let me know if you want to go.
4.6.09
Corporate Bigshot
As you may have noticed, I recently sold out to the man. Which man? The G-man. Explanation: I put Google Ads on my blog in an effort to make bank on it. Man, oh man has it been working. I never realized how much money can be made as a blogger. I should have thought of this years ago.
The ads in the right sidebar change based on what my blog is about. The ads have definitely shown how random my blog really is. There are toothbrush ads mixed in with alpaca promotions right now, so if your alpaca has dirty teeth, you have come to the right blog.
Now, I'm probably not going to run off and become a multi-million dollar blogger any time soon. Google keeps track of how much money I make right on my Blogger dashboard. Currently, I am pushing a grand total of 4 cents in two weeks. Pretty soon I'll be able to afford a postage stamp of my very own! Perfect for when I need to mail myself a postcard from Alaska.
At this rate, I am most likely going to drop out of college and become the CEO of SpicyBlogSauce Entertainment, Inc. Once I fill out the paperwork to make my blog its own corporate entity, I should be good to go. Anyone want to own some shares of Spicy Blog Sauce?
I don't know what any of the stats mean, other than that last one. That's right, I have one HUGE paycheck coming my way!
I figured since I will be making a huge fortune in the near future, I would give you a look into a day in the life of yours truly five years from now.
*Screen fades to black then returns, but a bit blurrier than before, representing a flash forward like in 90's sitcoms.*
My day begins quite normally. I awake from my slumber in my double king-sized bed surrounded by 20 of the most beautiful women God has ever created (chicks dig bloggers). I have my servants, Reginald and Applebum (yes, that is his actual name), cook me a breakfast consisting of two scrambled eggs with cheese, cinnamon toast, Apple Jacks with 2% milk, and orange juice with no pulp. I hate pulp. It's a dumb looking word too. I take a bite out of my toast, dump the eggs on the floor and have Applebum eat them off of it, throw the Apple Jacks out the window because I can, and drink the orange juice with no pulp. All part of this complete breakfast.
It is now noon. I have been awake for roughly a half hour. Time to go to a long day of work. I have Applebum carry me piggyback style to my workstation three floors below. I make him take the stairs because I still can't stand elevators after that fateful day in Miriam Hall. Upon arrival, I sit down and start cranking away at a new blog entry on my decked out, 2005 Tangent Laptop PC complete with broken hinges and a busted fan (Why I haven't upgraded my computer five years from now is beyond me). After about fifteen minutes of writing I get bored and have the top writers of the major TV networks finish my post for me.
The clock strikes two. Oh no! I am late for my lunch with Justin Timberlake, Lebron James, and Joey Gladstone from Full House! Over the past five years we have developed quite a friendship. They are going to be so mad that I'm late! I have Applebum carry me on piggyback to our lunch 20 miles away.
I arrive. We chit-chat about how funny my latest post was, Lebron's five NBA Championship rings he won with the Cavaliers, J.T.'s latest appearance on Saturday Night Live, and our favorite episodes of Full House. After lunch, we all go our separate ways, them in their fancy cars, and me on piggyback.
I get home just in time for my afternoon siesta. After a recent trip to Spain, I realized that they got something right with these mid-afternoon naps, so I incorporated it into my daily life. After my seven hour nap, I wake up to the smell of Reginald's cooking: two Philly Cheesesteak Hot Pockets straight from the microwave. I ask Reginald, "Why the hell are you making me Hot Pockets!? I'm rich you moron!"
"But they're your favorite sir," he responds in a thick Scottish accent. I scold him for thinking Hot Pockets could possibly be my favorite food. I have him set them on the floor for Applebum to eat. I go out and get some McDonalds instead. People who are lesser than me are so infuriating...
8 o'clock. Time for my nightly one-on-one Wii Tennis match with Venus Williams. I win, again, and tell her to get out of my house because she's disgracing it with her lack of tennis talent. She leaves, upset as usual. That girl has such a temper.
Afterwards, I go upstairs and think about how awesome my life is. I have Applebum eat more food off the floor (Don't worry, the floors are clean and I'm paying him incredibly well to do it). I then ride the roller coaster that leaves from my bedroom and goes out into the Disneyverse, the Disney theme park I built in my backyard. I enjoy a lovely night with all my favorite Disney characters, especially the ones from Up. The roller coaster operator, Richard from Six Flags Over Georgia, does a little dance and gives me a high five upon my return from Disneyverse. Time for bed.
*Aaaaaaaaand POOF!* Back to reality. My life in the near future is looking pretty sweet, all thanks to putting alpaca ads on my blog. I'm not exactly sure why I am such a huge jerkface in five years, but there's not much I can do about it, right? Fame and fortune come at a price.
Now to start looking for someone named Applebum...
3.6.09
My Emo Life
I think being emo is really cool. In fact, it's what I try to be in my spare time. Apparently wearing my black ArtStreet t-shirt isn't emo enough for some people. I'm going to have to take my efforts to the next level.
Another trait emo people share is their love of dark poetry. Lucky for me, there still isn't much for me to do at my internship. So today in the office, I turned off the lights, lit a few candles, put on some black eyeliner, and wrote this FABULOUS poem about the inner struggles of humanity. This is only my first attempt to write poetry about how much I hate my life, so bear with me.
Title: I Hate Everything
The darkness that surrounds my soul is fleeting.
Finding reason to go on can be defeating.
Finding my place here can be disconcerting.
How do I keep myself from hurting?
I hate my mom and I hate my dad,
But most of all, I hate the Cleveland Indians because they are bad.
The insignificance of what lies ahead,
Can only be redeemed by eating whole wheat bread.
My heart aches like a tree crushed by 1,000 bulldozers.
Twilight fans are a bunch of posers.
Looking for the answer, searching for the cause,
Looking for the answer, searching for the cause,
Not going to get that round of applause.
Books, pictures, and people all have a story.
There are a lot of letters in the word 'inflammatory.'
I hate to love, I hate to rhyme,
But it's a poem, so bite me.
Sadness. People are dyin.'
Thankful that my name is not Ryan.
Could they make the color of my highlighter,
Any brighter?
I sit here and ponder, then I hurled,
Wondering, why did they have two different Morgans on 'Boy Meets World'?
There is no point anymore for any sort of reaction,
"Because I can't get no satisfaction" (Rolling Stones).
I hate this world, this small abyss,
Emo 2009, what can get better than this?
If that isn't emo, I don't know what is.
1.6.09
The Second Annual World Alpaca Conference
The Internet is an amazing thing. Without it, I would have never come across this gem:
That's right, the Second Annual World Alpaca Conference is this June 3-7 in Cleveland, Ohio. To think, I almost missed this spectacular event. Lucky for me, I downloaded an application on my iPod Touch yesterday that led me to the event of the century.
The Alpaca Breeders and Owners Association (AOBA) (Yes, there is an actual alpaca association. Makes life worth living, doesn't it?) is holding the conference at the nearby I-X Center. You are not going to want to miss it. There will be an International Fleece Show, a National Halter Show, a Fiber Arts Competition, AN ALPACA FASHION SHOW, and the annual AOBA auction! I don't know what half that stuff is, but it sounds like I shouldn't miss it. As Alpaca Farmgirl so beautifully put it on her Alpaca blog (Her Blog), "It's like Disney World for Alpaca lovers!" I don't know about you, but anything that can be compared to Disney World is going to be nothing but amazing. I am so there. The only question is, who's coming with me!?
Unfortunately, the AOBA's website is currently down due to technical difficulties, so I could not learn more about this fluffy creature. Apparently they make good models since they're going to be in a fashion show.
Every time I look at that Alpaca picture above, I LOL. Here are some more:
Unfortunately, the AOBA's website is currently down due to technical difficulties, so I could not learn more about this fluffy creature. Apparently they make good models since they're going to be in a fashion show.
Every time I look at that Alpaca picture above, I LOL. Here are some more:
Actual caption underneath the baby alpaca picture: "This baby alpaca was found beheaded on a farm near Delavan. Rewards totaling $3,000 are now being offered."
That last one is kind of sad.
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