20.12.08

Final Payment

This is it. The final installment in my infomercial trilogy. I can finally move on with my blog after this post.

3. GT Xpress 101

This infomercial is a classic in my book. This is just one of many indoor cooking products that makes any meal a piece of cake to prepare. For those of you who do not know what the GT Xpress 101 is, you may know it as the grill that turns everything into a Hot Pocket. You just throw a bunch of random crap into one of the two holes, and out comes a feast fit for a king. If you want everything you eat to be the same shape, this product is perfect for you. Half-circle omelets, half-circle cake, even half-circle grilled cheeses!

My favorite part of this infomercial is the orgasmic expression the host has during every bite he takes. He acts like taking a bunch of leftover food from the fridge and throwing it into this grill is the best thing he has ever had. It makes me wonder if the crew knew they weren't going to make any money selling this product and decided to bribe someone off the streets by saying they will feed him if he hosts. And I'm pretty sure at least 5 homeless people turned the crew down before they ended up with this goofball. Oh well, at least it makes for an entertaining infomercial if nothing else.

On a related note, I don't think Cathy Mitchell (the old lady) made this product as they lead you to believe.

Check out how straight this lady's back is after enjoying a meal from the GT Xpress 101.

Price: 2 payments of $19.95
Special Offer(s): Buy one get one free, Flavor injector, Spatula, Recipe book, HOT POCKETS FOR LIFE!
Website: http://www.gtxpress.com/

2. Power Trainer Pro

My infomercial list would not be complete without a workout product. This particular product did not strike me as the most intriguing or creative way to work out less and still look like a total stud. It makes my list because it is the most recent one I saw on TV. Trust me, there are a million other bodybuilding products I could choose from like the Bowflex, Billy Blanks and his Tae-Bo, or one of many others that work out your "core." When you've seen one work out video you've seen them all right? This one is no different. It's just a pull-up bar you put in your door to do...you guessed it, pull-ups. You can even go crazy and put it on the ground to do push-ups. It's the newest way to "chisel those back muscles" and get that "ripped and sculpted look you always dreamed of."

Before
After
This man used the Power Trainer Pro for three days. Look at those results!

Price: Not worth it
Special Offer(s): Also not worth it
Website: Don't waste your time

1. Billy Mays

The infomercial legend himself. "His signature yelling approach to pitching an array of products, along with his recognizable beard, have gained Billy Mays a substantial amount of recognition"(Thanks Wikipedia, I could not have said it any better myself). It just would not be suitable to put only one product of his in the top spot. This man is certainly deserving of his own ranking. He has sold everything from OxiClean to Mighty Putty. The man can clean stains like none other. I have never seen anyone put a white shirt with a stain on it into a large bowl and come out perfectly clean like the way he can. I think he's secretly a magician, which is why his products work so much better in the infomercials. OxiClean, for instance, is a piece of crap. Somehow, Billy Mays makes it look like a miracle cleaner. It is the only explanation that comes to mind.

Here's to you and your out of control beard Billy Mays. You single-handedly took infomercials to a whole new level.

The man knows how to give a damn good thumbs up!

Price: Priceless. Can't use your Mastercard here my friend.
Special Offer(s): Realizing Billy Mays is the only person that can make all the products work the way their supposed to on the advertisements.
Website: Billy Mays Top Ten Products along with Bloopers

1 comment:

Darja said...

all i have to say is....
"You just throw a bunch of random crap into one of the two holes, and out comes a feast fit for a king. "
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.