Day 2 of My Summer of Coolness

It was boring. That should just about cover the past eight hours.

I'll give you some blog filler since this post was so short.

I'm a strange person. How do I know this? Easy. My desktop computer has a picture of a squirrel holding an acorn as the background, and my Tangent has a background filled with cute bunnies being mischievous.  Judge all you want. I'm keeping it.

I am currently carless, and have been for the past 22 years. That will hopefully change mid-summer. We'll see how it goes. If I do manage to get my hands on a car, I'll probably end up at Dayton every weekend because there's nothing to do here. Not that I'm expecting there to be a whole lot going on down there since it's the summer and all, but it's UD and not doing anything there is a heck of a lot better than not doing it in Cleveland.

Going along with the last paragrapho (Spanish for paragraph), if I do get a car, I will be riding roller coasters the rest of the summer when I'm not in Dayton of course. I've never been to King's Island, and now that they have the Diamondback, I feel it is a good time to experience the biggest (and only) thrill Cincinatti has to offer.

Six Flags Over Georgia would also be fun considering I still have a season pass there for the summer. Actually, any Six Flags would be fun, but I love the Dirty South. 

You been to Mexico boy?

Here are some pictures:

That last one is a picture of me before I started my first day of high school. I've lost a little weight since then. Lay off the Wendy's JBCs for one summer and lose 200 pounds. I should write a book about it.

If you like nonsense, this post should be very fitting. Being nonsense, it makes no sense. It is also a bit redundant. It repeats itself. It says the same thing over and over. 

People make fun of me (actually just one person) for liking songs that are on the radio.  I can't help it, they have catchy melodies. I also like to know what music to expect when I walk into Tim's.

Speaking of Tim's and the music they play, I cannot stand the song "All I Want for Christmas is You" and don't understand why it is played year round. Just for that, you cannot have me for Christmas. Don't bother asking.

I'm going to stop because I'm sure no one is still reading this post.

And So Begins My Summer Of Coolness

Today marks the beginning of my journey into adulthood. Although I still have a measly one year of school left, I got my first taste of what a real job is all about. It was a thrilling experience marked with confusion, happiness, stress, exhaustion, and most importantly, Skyline Chili.

Monday, May 18th, 2009. My first day as an intern at Pease & Associates, a small accounting firm located in the heart of downtown Cleveland. I knew they were relatively small but never fully grasped how small. Interns included, there are roughly 50 people that work there, 10 of which are in audit (that includes me). In an effort for you to fully grasp this monumental day, I will relive the experience as much as possible through the art of blog.

7am: I awake. Unsure of what the day will bring, I hit the snooze button on my alarm for 15 minutes, passing on a shower and deciding to simply run some water through my hair. "Man oh man am I tired," I say to myself as I walk down the stairs, "I better make myself some breakfast so I can be energized on my first day!" I make myself a bowl of cereal and eat about half of it before heading out to the bus.

8am: Being the gracious person that she is, my sister helped me make my way through the hustle and bustle of the RTA public transit. Without her, I don't think I would have ever made it to Pease. I am expected to arrive at Hannah Theater (Pease is located on the 8th floor of the theater) at 9. It was 8:30 when I arrived to my destination. With so much time to kill, what do I do? Do I risk the embarrassment of walking up an entire half hour early? Will people even be there then? I make my way up to find two other young, professionally dressed individuals sitting in the lobby. I introduce myself, they do the same, we become instant BFF. Both are one year away from graduating Baldwin-Wallace, a decent school but nothing compared to UD. Finally, one last person walks in. It's a fellow UD student! Another instant BFF. Once 9am rolls around, we begin our trek to the main conference room to begin training.

9am: Training commences. I soon realize that I am going to be the odd man out during this experience. The room consists of the four interns, four new hires in the tax department, and a partner. Out of the four interns, I am the only one in the audit department. The three others are in tax. Losers. 

We learn about the company, and Alyson (Joseph Pease's personal assistant) tells us about some of the fun activities that they have. To my surprise, a couple UD alums have started a tradition known as "Skyline Day" where they pick a name out of a hat and treat the person they pick to Skyline, giving said person the entire history of Skyline on the trip there. I am on the edge of my seat waiting to be picked from that hat. This internship was worth it just to find out that there's a Skyline in the area! My life is set!

I'm happy to know that no matter how far away from UD I may be, there will always be something there to remind me. A relief knowing that my own graduation is not too far in the future.

11am: The next training session. This one is geared towards the taxers. They kick me out and leave me for dead. I make my way to the audit department, the small gang of 10 people that will soon conquer the world one trial balance at a time. Once there, I am taught the ins and outs of auditing clients from my officemate Audrey.  Although slightly boring to watch, mainly due to my extreme tiredness that was beginning to kick in, I knew right then that this summer was going to rock.

And roll.

1pm: Lunchtime. Audrey, Mark (an auditing partner) and I go to a small deli located on the first floor of the Hannah Building. Intrigued by the concept of Dayton to Daytona, I give them the lowdown on the wild happenings that only UD students can create (see previous post for more details). I order a turkey sandwich which Mark so kindly paid for. Fully satisfied, we head back up to the audit department.

2pm: More training. Nothing to see here. Move along.

5:30pm: I head home. Waiting for the bus may be the worst part of any man's day. Homeless people are asking money from you left and right. Being a young college student in business professional garb, I am obviously an easy target. After a half hour of waiting, the 39F finally arrives to take me home. My day is over.

It all starts over at 7am tomorrow. Be ready.

Hopefully that gives you an idea of what I did today. Nothing too eventful, but I know you guys all want to be me, and I am more than willing to help.

Blogspot does not do too well when trying to format. That is why my last post is extremely sloppy. I tried to fix it multiple times but it reverts back to the crappy version.

I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused. I will try harder in the future to prevent such occurrences.

Daytona. Enough Said

Every year, the Student Government Association puts on a trip to Daytona for all UD students. Being my senior year and because most of my friends will not be returning next year, I decided to embark on this once in a lifetime experience. And trust me, when I say once in a lifetime, this is something you will only want to experience once.

Five crumbling hotels, a handful of overcrowded bars, two hot as hell arcades, a slingshot, and the Atlantic Ocean: Dayton to Daytona in a nutshell.

I'm not saying I did not have fun. On the contrary, I had a blast. But if it wasn't for the fact that it only costs $200 for six nights in a second rate hotel, I'm sure most people would not do the trip. Here's the routine: Wake up 11am, free bagel at first hotel 11am-12pm, steamroll roommates that are still sleeping 12pm-1pm, free beer at the first hotel 1pm-3pm, nap 3pm-5pm, wake up sleeping roommates by blaring music 5pm-6pm, dinner 6pm-7:30pm, bars 8pm-11pm, arcade 11pm-3am, sleep 3am-11am, repeat the next day. As much fun as this was, it got a little repetitive. Although I am being a Debbie Downer about the whole experience right now, here are some of my favorite highlights from the trip.

The Drive

15 hours in the car with the same four people can be gruesome. But this trip was an exception. There were so many good times from this trip that it is hard to remember all of them. If you have ever heard the song 'Strokin' by Clarence Carter, you may get an idea of our enjoyable car ride. We 'stroked' to that song roughly thirty times, making sure to 'stroke' twice in every state we drove through. With a backseat that includes Jonesy, Jess, and myself, how can you go wrong? It was definitely the second best road trip of my life.

The Slingshot

Since Joyland Arcade only sold 32 oz beers, you definitely had to make sure you used the bathroom before riding this extreme thrill. Peeing your pants 200 feet in the air can be a little awkward, especially for your partner when he or she starts wondering why it was raining briefly only to find out that your pants are soaked once you are back on the ground. Trust me, I know.

In this death-defying experience, you and one other person are strapped down in a metal ball. The operator then leans you in your seat so you are facing the sky. Depending on the operator, he will then count down to three and shoot you off. Some operators are assholes and will count down from ten and shoot you off mid count. Either way, you are launched thousands of feet in the air only attached to two microscopically thin wires and a giant metal ball. The experience is even better when the only sound you can hear is the shrilling scream of the person next to you. Although terrifying before you leave the ground, the ride is actually a lot of fun after liftoff. Which is good because it is expensive.

I rode it twice. I'm a badass.

Warning: There's a 75% chance of wetting your pants.

Getting Teased by the Locals

Have I ever mentioned that I love the south? Well this Daytona trip quadrupled my undying love.

It all begins during the car ride down to Daytona. We are in a South Carolina Burger King ordering breakfast. I cough, with my mouth covered mind you. A South Carolina local sees me cough, stares me down for a good 20 seconds, then yells, "HAVE YOU BEEN TO MEXICO BOY!?"

Inside, I'm deathly afraid he is going to pull out his shotgun and blow my brains out. Bravely, I reply, "No, no I have not."

He responds, "WELL THEN COVER YOUR MOUTH BOY!"

"I did good sir, please don't hurt me."

"WHERE'S YOUR MASK BOY!"

"I left it in the car sir, I did not mean to offend you. I will never leave without my mask again, just please don't pull out your shotgun and blow my brains out all over this fine southern Burger King establishment. I only want to enjoy my savory Crossain'wich, my crispy tater tots, and my scalding hot coffee. I will kindly leave afterwards and get tested for swine flu." How I managed to make it out of that Burger King alive is still beyond me.

But the southern local enjoyment does not end there.

While at Mai Tai, a tropical oasis that serves excellent lava flows (a drink made of yellow and red, although I never got much red) is where my next two run ins occurred. My first began with a friend yelling my last name. A fine Daytona resident, missing three teeth and with an intrigued look on his face glances over at me and yells, "Your name is Cock!?"

"No sir, you are close, but my last name is actually Laycock."

Knowing perfectly well what I said, he replies, "So your name is Cock!?"

"Yes, Laycock."

"Haha, Cock!"

I felt like I was in the 7th grade all over again.

My final conversation with the Daytona folk occurred a couple days later, with a fine gentleman in his mid 40s who was flirting with Jess. She introduces the man to me in an attempt to divert his attention. I tell him my name is Dan. He then proceeds to say, "I have a son your age, but he is much better looking than you."

I am dumbfounded. What do you even say to that? A middle-aged man from a trashy Florida city is telling you that you are ugly. I respond with a simple 'ok.' He turns to Julie who was also with us at the time and tells her that I may be good looking, in my own way! Your self esteem is all but crushed when a Daytona local thinks you are ugly. I'm devastated.

All of these conversations actually happened, I couldn't make this stuff up.

Experiencing the Disney Magic

I went to Disney World mid Daytona. I'll post about this later, but just to let you know, the Disney magic is still flowing through my veins.

Poop in the Elevator, Vomit in the Urinal, and Pee in the Stairwell

If you want to go on the grimiest vacation of your life, go on Dayton to Daytona. Of course, disgusting things happen all the time in Dayton, but it is amplified by the fact that the trip encourages massive amounts of binge drinking.

My first encounter was at the Oyster Pub, Daytona's "best sports bar." Needing to relieve myself, I entered the bathroom. I walk straight ahead to one of the urinals only to see the one next to me overflowing with vomit. Sick. This is why I could never own a bar on a college campus. Cleaning vomit out of a urinal is not on my list of favorite things to do.

Motion City Soundtrack came to play for the D2D concert performed on Saturday. I watched the concert from a fourth floor balcony and saw the chaos ensue on the pool deck. After the concert, I entered the stairwell to head back down to the first floor only to run in to a man peeing on the third floor. I immediately went back up to the fourth and took an elevator down, although there were no guarantees that someone was peeing in that either. Luckily it was empty and I safely made it to the first floor urine free.

After walking home Saturday night around 3am, I entered the elevator of the second hotel only to find a nice chocolate nugget sitting right in the middle. Why someone would poop in an elevator is beyond me, but I had a blast with my roommates trying to figure out that one. Unfortunately for the person that dropped the deuce, the elevator was out of toilet paper, again!

If I learned anything from D2D, it's that Dayton students are classy.

I Love Fleas

"A shopping paradise awaits the entire family in the unbelievable Keller's Flea Market."

If you are ever in the Savannah area and doubt you are in the Dirty South, make your way over to Keller's Flea Market and be reassured. Probably the biggest garage sale in the country, Keller's Flea Market offers a variety of second-hand and custom made products from the local community. At first glance, it looks like a shady place you would not want to venture, but if you glance a second time, you'll find it to be heavenly. Don't glance again though or you may never leave!

Just a little heads up: If you are playing the license plate game where you try to find a license plate from every one of the 50 U.S. states, Keller's Flea Market is an excellent location to spot at least 37.46% of them.

During one of our last few days in Savannah, Bethany, Michelle, and I made a trip out to Keller's. Bethany was hesitant, but Michelle and I made sure it happened. Definitely a wise decision. 

Upon arrival, my heart was racing. I did not know what to expect. The first spot we walked past was a motobike/ four-wheeler shop. I was a little disappointed with this stop, but luckily we continued on. There were so many different places to go, we had a hard time deciding where to go first. Eventually, we made a decision and went into one of the barns/buildings/whatever you call them. 

The disappointing ATV shop. Don't worry, it only gets better. Not sure if you could tell by all the flags, but this is an American store.

I was taken aback. My eyes began to water with the incredible amount of low-quality merchandise in front of me. It was a dream come true. Everything from naked paintings of black couples to Jesus shirts, Jesus hats, Jesus shoes, Jesus pimp canes, and big buttered Jesuses could be found at this place. You could even buy 10 toothbrushes for $1! Out of this world!

The locals also make their own merchandise. One man had his own line of redneck products consisting of redneck windchimes (Beer cans tied to strings) and redneck ashtrays (A beer can on a piece of wood). I to this day do not know how I resisted purchasing a redneck windchime. It blows my mind.

Funnel cakes, guns, puppies, stolen merchandise, VHS tapes, and haircuts are some of the other wonderful products/services offered at Keller's. But what makes the experience one of a kind is the giant cow statue at the front of the store with a cowbell reading "I heart fleas." Best. Marketing. Strategy. Ever.

Guns

Go to Keller's. It's beautiful. Did I mention there is a petting zoo?

Here's the website for more info:

http://www.ilovefleas.com/

Snuggie Pub Crawl: An Experience Not Worth Missing.

In an effort to actually get any work done this week, I am going to write this post now since it will be on the forefront of my mind if I don't get it out of the way.

The Snuggie Bar Crawl, which I have been looking forward to since I was born, was last night. It was put on by a few members of the Dayton community, and anyone was allowed to attend, Snuggie or not. It was hands down one of the best experiences of my life, which is odd because if it wasn't for the fact that I was wearing a Snuggie, it probably would not have been all that exciting. Snuggies make all the difference when you want to have fun. The next time you are bored, put on a Snuggie and let the good times roll!

Jackie, Kelsie, and myself began the bar crawl at Blind Bob's. This was the second stop of the bar crawl. We were running a bit late. Once we finally arrived, we were a bit skeptical of the entire situation because we did not see a single soul in a Snuggie! Hidden in our car looking into the bar, we only saw normally clothed people. Our hearts were racing. Were we brave enough to walk through the bar in our Snuggies despite being the only three in them? Should we just count our losses and head back to campus? Being a once in a lifetime opportunity, we went for it. We made the right call.

Before even entering the bar, we had people coming up to us commenting on our Snuggies. We felt judged, but we didn't care. One feature about Snuggies that only Snuggie owners know about is the impenetrable forcefield to any judgement thrown in the Snuggie wearer's direction. We were unstoppable. After a few pictures outside Blind Bob's, we went in.

Upon entering, we thankfully found a small group of Snuggie Bar Crawl members to our left. There were about ten people in total around a few tables, two of which were wearing Snuggies. One member straggled behind at the first bar, which made a total of three Snuggie wearers before our arrival. Our group doubled the attendance of people actually wearing Snuggies. Despite such a low turnout, we were happy to see other people love their Snuggies as much as we do. As Jackie would say, Snuggies are "heaven on earth," and this proves it. All in all, the first bar was a success. Kelsie did a little networking and got a business card from the person who set up the bar crawl, Jackie met her future husband (an attractive and intelligent man from Minneapolis) and I am always happy when in a Snuggie.

A photographer from the Dayton Daily News followed us around the entire night as we modeled our Snuggies to the Dayton community. This guy made sure to take pictures of everything, including taking pictures of people taking pictures. I put the link to the photos at the bottom of the post, as you can see I'm in about 75% of the picutres. Needless to say, I'm famous.

The next stop on the list was The Trolley Stop. On our way there, people traversing the Oregon District stopped to check us out, snap a few pics, and compliment us on being so cool. Throughout the night, people supported our Snuggies by putting their sweaters or button up shirts on backwards. Although not quite a Snuggie, it was fun to see people supporting the bar crawl.

The mayor of Dayton made an appearance at The Trolley Stop to judge the Snuggie-off (my name for the best Snuggie competition). The mayor made all six of us Snuggiers get on stage and say a little about ourselves and our Snuggies. Trying to win over the crowd, I made sure to let them know I had an incredibly muscular bod under my Snuggie and did a little flexing for them (see picture below). Both Kelsie and Jackie tried to win by accessorizing with belts, and by having Snuggies with pockets, something of which I am still jealous about.

That's me flexing for the mayor and all those in attendance of the Snuggie-off. In the background is Kelsie with her belt and pocketed red Snuggie.

Sidenote: The mayor of Dayton said I had a muscular bod. I can cross that one off my bucket list.

Despite our best efforts, we lost...to a FUGGIE (fake Snuggie). The winner made his own "Snuggie" out of a fish pattern cloth. Lame that the Fuggie won, but I don't really think I wanted the grand prize anyway. The Fuggier received a one night stay at a bed in breakfast somewhere in the Oregon District. I can make my own breakfast thank you very much.

After the Snuggie-off, we taxied it back to campus and made it out to the Fieldhouse for a little bit. We were the hit of the bar for a brief stint, then left shortly thereafter. 

I cannot wait for next year's Snuggie Bar Crawl. I recommend you go out and purchase a Snuggie right now so you can attend.

Here is the link to the rest of the pictures of the first annual Dayton Snuggie Bar Crawl if you are interested:

http://projects.daytondailynews.com/cache/galleries/Entertainment/Events/041809snuggiepub/

The Devil Went Down to Georgia (Written in Georgia Font)

A lot of firsts have happened in my life recently. Many of them are tied to my multiple trips to the great state of Georgia (Go Bulldogs!). Coincidentally, going to Georgia was a recent first in and of itself. Here’s a brief list of my “first” accomplishments this past month. I am so proud of myself!

Went to The Dirty South (Atlanta and Savannah)

To start, I want to extend my deepest apologies to anyone I offend by calling it “The Dirty South.” Moving on…

There’s so much to be said about the South. So much that I have no idea where to start. Wait…yes I do.

Nothing beats an authentic southern accent. Hearing a southerner talk is like listening to a rock band made of ten glorious angels all singing harmoniously to the most beautiful song ever created. It may be a small understatement but I think you get the picture.

There’s also an array of fast-food restaurants only found in The South. Some chains may be found in The Clean North, but are so much better down below. Krystal, a White Castle look alike, took the cake out of all the establishments I ventured in to. The names of their products are impeccable, and the people you find in a Krystal are one in a million. During my trip, I had a Cheese-O-Nator combo, which consisted of FIVE small, greasy cheeseburgers, a side of chili-cheese fries, and a drink. I may have felt like throwing up afterwards, but the entire experience will be something I remember forever.

Moral of the story: I love The Dirty South!

Touched the Atlantic Ocean

Incredibly, I have never even been close to the Atlantic Ocean before this past week. The farthest out of Ohio I’ve ever traveled was Illinois, which is a small step in the wrong direction. Being a man who has not experienced much of planet Earth, putting my cute little toes in the enormous body of water was a HUGE milestone in my life.

Despite my fear of jellyfish and dying of dehydration from drinking too much saltwater, I managed to dunk my entire body in the Atlantic. Let’s just say the water was a little colder than what you would find in a hot tub, and by a little I mean about 60 degrees colder. Not to mention saltwater tastes exactly like it sound: salty. My only regret during the experience was not bringing unsalted french fries with me. The extra salt from the ocean would have been undeniably satisfying.

Played an on-screen board game

To clarify, by on-screen board game I mean one that is played on the television, such as Scene-It. In fact, the first game I played was “Scene-It: Squabble,” a men vs. women pop culture board game with movie and television trivia that one gender would find easy while the other would find more challenging. Needless to say, my extensive knowledge of chick flicks made this game a breeze. I took the Hey sisters down without much trouble.

My second experience (which occurred right after the first) was “Trivial Pursuit: Pop Culture.” The questions in this game were far more challenging and the Heys put up more of a fight. For anyone who has not played Trivial Pursuit, the point of the game is to collect 6 pieces of a pie and then make it back to the center on an exact role. Although that description will not help you understand the game at all, my point is I had a little trouble getting that exact role to make it to the center for the win. With an incredibly controversial move on Michelle’s part, she managed to squeak by with a win. Whether or not her actions should credit her with an actual win is still up in the air. Despite my loss, and Michelle’s cheating, I still managed to have fun with my first television board game.

Ate at a Sonic

Sonics are amazing. Their menu is huge and many of their items are unique. If I had the choice, I would have ordered one of everything. Unfortunately I did not have the cash or four stomachs to live out my dream. I had a number five (I could not tell you what I actually ordered because my memory is such a blur with all the amazingness that was going on) with TATER TOTS! What other fast food establishment offers tater tots with their combos!? Unbelievable. Hands down the best restaurant in North America.

I also had an ice cream cone. That was good too.

Honorable Mention

Like I said, the past month was chock-full of firsts for me. So many in fact, it would take me 10.5 billion years to write a brief description for each of them. It would also take me roughly 30 minutes to just list all of them. In an effort to save myself a little time, here are a few firsts that I was too lazy to write about. I may or may not write about some in a later post. Like my experience riding mopeds. That was fun.

·         Slept in my Snuggie.

·         Slept in the back of a Honda Civic.

·         Went to an amusement park outside the state of Ohio.

·         Ate lamb.

·         Ate Yorkshire pudding

·         Ate at a Chick-Fil-A

·         Went somewhere other than home for an entire school break.

·         Sat in a hot tub with only myself and four other women (Ow Ow!).

·         Left at 1 am to go on an 8 hour road trip.

·         Purchased a season pass to an amusement park I will never go to again.

·         Purchased an article of clothing from J. Crew and Banana Republic.

·         Rode mopeds.

·         Took a road trip greater than 6 hours.

·         Lost in a Sudoku contest.

·         Won in a Sudoku contest.

·         Went to a Flea Market (I am definitely going to talk about this one in a later post).

·         Went to a redneck bar and played pong in said bar.