F*** My Life

The month of February has been pretty good to me. First of all, I was elected CFO of Flyer Enterprises for next year. That was pretty cool. Then just the other day I went to The Blend to purchase a Blend mug, since I have a sudden craving to get insanely addicted to coffee. Being the lucky person that I am this month, I arrived just in time to snatch the last blue mug in stock. That easily could have made anyone's month. But there's more. The HUGE discovery that happened this February for just about everyone within Flyer Enterprises was fmylife.com.

F*** My Life is basically the Twitter of sharing embarrassing stories. For those of you who don't know what Twitter is, it is a social networking service where you can share your status with your friends. If you want more details about it, just check out Twitter.com. I highly recommend it. We can be TBFF's (Twitter Best Friends Forever) if you join. But I digress, I'm not going to waste my time talking up Twitter since the majority of the people that read this are "tweeting" at this very moment.

Back to F*** My Life. The title explains it all. I am not exactly sure why I enjoy this site so much. As I sit here writing this I am torn between whether I like the site because it's beyond entertaining, or if I don't like it because I feel so horribly bad for the people. Here's an example of an F*** My Life post:

"Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, 'Mommy, I hate people.' FML"

Hahahahahahahaha. Good stuff right? I'd like to think so. But then I try to put myself in this person's shoes. What if my appearance was so offsetting that it caused children to discover a newfound hatred for human life? Would I think it was funny then? Absolutely I would. Here's another tasty sample from this wonderful site:

"Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory and afterwards the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for ten minutes. FML"

LMAO (Laugh My Ass Off). As I sit here dying of laughter, I can not help but feel slightly empathic towards this poor man. Let's dive a little deeper into this one. What could this man have eaten that would make his bowel movement smell so foul? Skyline. This man was obviously enjoying a nice Regular Three-Way and possibly a juicy Cheese Coney with onions and mustard about an hour before his flight. Being his first ever experience at the oddly addicting chili restaurant, he would have no idea how much this would wreak havoc on his digestive system, as well as the sniffers of everyone around him.

So do I like this site? Yes. Although I cannot help but feel sorry for these people, they willingly share their embarrassing stories for our entertainment. Props to them for being able to share, even if it may be anonymous. I feel better about myself knowing my life is not as bad as these people and I also get to live longer because of the healthy amount of laughter.

Thanks F*** My Life.

My Coke Rewards

Before I get into my anecdotal narrative, I just wanted to say that maintaining a blog has turned out to be a lot more pressure than expected.  It hasn't even been two weeks since my last post and yet people are upset about the lack of updates. You should know that my blog is a privilege and can be taken away as easily as it was given to you.  Remember that the next time you decide to attack the publisher (me).

Secondly, I am taking an MBA class this semester that relates to thinking of a business as a system. All the parts must work together in order to benefit the whole. In order to achieve this objective, you cannot place an inordinate amount of pressure on your employees. Numerical goals such as quotas, commission based pay, or threatening to fire will not improve the system, in fact, it will usually cause a decrease in productivity. What am I getting at here? I am relating what I have learned in my MBA class (mainly because it is my all-time favorite class) to my blog. Putting pressure on me to update my blog in a certain time frame may not always end with the desired results. I may find a way to "distort the system" and produce a defective blog post just to meet the demand of my readers. The best way to get quality Spicy Sauce is to put minimal pressure on the blogger.

I'll stop ranting now and move on to my anecdote...

The following takes place between sophomore and junior year of college.

(For those of you who don't watch 24, the line above will not make sense)

Oh, sophomore year. A wonderful time when I was young and naive. About halfway through the first semester, I decided to start collecting Coke caps. Coke does this program where you can enter the codes located on the bottom of the cap to redeem for prizes.  The only problem was that you had to save caps for a really long time to get anything worthwhile. Since I had a meal plan and a few friends who also did, I felt like it was the perfect time to start collecting and save up for something I have wanted my entire life: a Nintendo Wii. 

A Wii, if my memory serves me right, was only a measly 16,000 points. Every cap you collected was worth three points and you could enter a maximum of ten codes per day. That meant if I was able to find ten caps per day, it would only take me 534 days to get the gaming system of my dreams. I thought my dream would soon be a reality. I was sadly mistaken.

After collecting caps for about two months, I was only at about 900 points. This process was painstakingly slow. My patience was beginning to wear thin, and after a couple more weeks, I gave up completely. Coke crushed my dreams of ever having a the Nintendo Wii, and I hated them the rest of the school year because of it. The worst part came a little bit later. I decided to try it again in the summer because my family usually has a few liters of cola lying around. To my dismay, I found out that ALL THE POINTS I COLLECTED FOR MONTHS HAVE BEEN DELETED! My hard work had been in vain and I began to think there was no reason to live. But then...

The following takes place between February 1 and February 5

(Again, the same 24 reference from before. If you don't get it, get a life)

Ryan Noonan (you may know him because I left my Indians hat at his house this past weekend) told me about a little plan he has been devising lately. He wants to collect Coke caps to get a dartboard. Considering how sweet dartboards are, I was "on board" (see what I did there?) in an instant. Putting my past history with Coke behind me, as well as all the homework that I had to do this week, I began on a search for caps. You would be surprised to what lengths one will go in order to find caps. Let's just say that garbage hunting has become a sport of mine. Along with a few strategically placed cups in the Flyer Enterprise and IT offices, our goal to get a 6100 point dartboard was well underway.

I was going to make this post all about how I wanted your caps. I planned on motivating all of you to get out there and start collecting and then giving them to me. But, we hit a roadblock on our way to the dartboard. In fact, it was another one of those dreamcrushers provided by none other than Coca-Cola themselves.

Starting February 16th, Coke Rewards will remove the ten cap limit per day. I thought this was excellent news. I figured that if Ryan and I hunted through a few trash cans, corralled all of our friends to contribute, and add a few caps of our own, we would have this board in no time. Well, turns out no dice. Coke will be getting rid of any reward that is more than 2000 points. Basically, they are getting rid of anything that anyone would actually want to have. Starting the 16th, the best item you can get on MyCokeRewards.com will probably be a dozen eggs. Yes, it is a good source of protein, but eggs just don't provide that entertainment factor that is found in a game of darts. Coke has in essence ruined my life once again.

I hate Coke and everything it stands for. My new goal in life will be to turn the University of Dayton into a Pepsi campus. My next goal will be to crush Coke entirely.

So as the saying goes, "Don't be a fool, wrap your hands around a crisp, refreshing bottle of Pepsi!"

Don't do Coke. It ruins lives.